So-- out to get that mahole head of yours hammered?

Well, you came to the right place!

While your sorry friends are sitting there only seeing one of everything, we'll have you seeing triple before that ominously full moon has seen its first howl!

Finally, a few words of advice from one who truly knows:

Leave a couple of aspirin and a glass of water on the nightstand before you go out.  You'll probably see the water and drink it.  Maybe you'll even take the aspirin.

No matter how drunk you get, you don't look any better than you did before you started.

If you decide someone is really great looking and they're drunk/desperate enough to respond to your inebriated banter, write their name down on your hand while you're still capable (trust me, if they're still talking to you at this point, they won't care).  Unless you wake up underwater (in which case it won't matter anyway), it'll still be there the next morning and you won't have to search frantically through their billfold for their drivers' licence.

Put a male or female condom on after your fifth drink.  Yes, it'll be a major nuisance (especially for the guys), but at least it'll remind you.  I'm told this doesn't work as well with dental dams.

The older woman turning tricks down the street from the bar is not the home ec teacher from your junior high.  I Promise.

Kahlua and Scotch-- not a real drink.

(Thanx to Joe and Bryan and Charles for the last two).